This is the occasional fish.

I did say it'd be about that, now didn't I? I watched the movie Happy Feet today. Quite a beautiful one. I might just save up and get this one on Blu-ray.

Some of the points of the movie got to me though. In the movie every emperor penguin has to find its heart song to find his or her mate, but whilst poor Mumbles shockingly enough can't sing, he can tap-dance something fierce. Without giving too much away this reminds me that to play the game we call everyday life you have to be able to do the expected song and dance. You keep the rhythm, accept the norm of the beat.

I can't do that.

Sure, I want nothing more than being able to sleep and lose all the side effects the insomnia has brought upon me, but I no longer shelter much hope for that it will ever happen. Maybe I'm just wearing too dark shades today, I've lately struggled with indifference, a total lack of motivation to do anything. Depression usually drains me of all energy, but at least the hurt is near tangible and something I can grasp on to, get angry about. I can curl into a ball in the bed until the worst passes, gather up some energy to kick myself in the pork pillows. No this is a different beast and leaves me just as indifferent to staring into a wall as sleeping, eating or doing anything that I know I used to find fun, relaxing or enjoyable. I have better days where I can find the energy to try and motivate myself into something like watching a movie, taking a walk or try to socialise but I usually end up feeling empty and drained afterwards. No wonder I don't like watching movies much any more.

I just...wish there was a slot for me in life that didn't make me feel like the square wheel reject in the car factory.

Anyhow, the movie's good. I recommend you see it.

Go now.